Have you ever wondered how to talk to your husband and get him to listen? This has been the plight of women from generation to generation, so you’d think somebody would have figured it out by now, right?
Unfortunately, it’s not that easy. The reason is because most of us are talking at him, rather than with him. In other words, we are usually just trying to get him to agree or see things as we do. But this is the wrong approach, which is why it doesn’t work.
Communication in marriage is challenging…I get it. It’s the number one complaint I hear from couples in my therapy practice. So it’s time for MARRIAGE COMMUNICATION 101.
Here are 5 tips for how to talk to your husband in a way that he can listen to and truly hear what you have to say:
1. Start by telling him how you feel about something, rather than attacking him.
Example: “I am feeling overwhelmed and disconnected from you,” instead of “You never help with the kids or spend any time with me.”
2. Boost his ego a little. I mean, who doesn’t like THAT?
Example: “I really miss feeling close to you. You are the most important person in my life.”
3. Help him to empathize with you, rather than force him to agree with you.
Example: “I’m just really stressed out and sad, and I’m hoping you can understand that.”
4. Ask for what you want or need…he’s not psychic.
Example: “Do you think you could help me with the kid’s bedtime tonight so we will have some time to spend together afterwards?”
5. Say “Thank You” once in a while. Otherwise, he will think, “why bother?”
Example: “Thank you so much for the helping with the kids last night. I really needed a break, and I loved spending the extra time with you.”
See, it’s really not that hard. If you enter through the front door with an attack, the door will slam in your face.
But, if you enter quietly through the back door, you might get in. It might not be easy the first few times, but take the time to learn how to talk to your husband. Your marriage depends on it.
Lori Freson is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Southern California. She has been working in the mental health field since 1997, and has been a licensed therapist since 2002. Lori currently works in her own thriving private practice in Encino and Sherman Oaks, where she serves the San Fernando Valley and Los Angeles areas. Contact Lori at lorifresontherapy.com or call/text 818-514-LMFT